I’m going to write down how I’m feeling every now and then. Just to see how it goes. I’ve been really upset about things lately. Acting out again because I’m missing things I need from people around me. It’s awful not having memories of being consoled. To still need that as an adult. I’m starting to get sick of being so goddamn nice to everyone all the time, despite my urge to completely and unapologetically treat them like shit. I hate that I don’t look the way I act. I always get the cutesy girl treatment and I get so fucking tired of that shit. I grew up around and with the help of violence and it’s almost second nature to snap at people. I suppose it wouldn’t be obvious to be a child of God, looking to keep a light glowing and I ought to know what kind of attention that brings with it. I’m doing my best though.